Thursday, December 29, 2005


General thoughts

Its thursday, the day before my mom and sister fly home and I realize that I will have to wait atleast another 6 months before I see them again. I didn't think that two weeks would change my life this much. It is almost like I depend on them being there, which is hard for me to admit. Mostly because I am very independant and don't really like to need anyone. Anyhow so I am thinking about what my sister is going to do. See she is 17 and I think at this age family is important. I love her and want her to be happy but I dont really think she truly is. How do you help a teenager be happy?

Anyhow I am also thinking about B.. See he comes back home tomorrow and I keep wondering when he will call me. I wonder if he is even intrested and if he isn't how ackward things will be at church. This is the first time that I have thought about being with someone for eternity.. I know I have only been on one date with the guy! However, my thought process about the whole relationship is different from any that I have had before.. Not to be weird but I haven't thought about kissing him or what will happen when he tries. But I think about meeting his family and how nice it will be to look over the alter and realize that he really wants to marry me.

Ok, so I sound really desperate I get that but I am not really. Ok on to a new subject.. I know I am speaking the evil word here but school starts in just over a week and I am not really ready. My mom just spent at least 90$ on my math book.. Is math really that important? I dont really think so but 90$ dollars that is more then my car payment. Good thing I dont have to buy a book every month I may drop out. Anyhow School should be intresting this semester. I barley passed my math with an A.. I know you all think I must be crazy but I am a high achiever I want to have straight A's I cant help it. Which is quite funny really because while I was in HS or JH for that matter I didn't care about grades at all.

I guess because nothing else in my life seems to be going the way I want I finally have something I can control. Also NO ONE else, except for me, can pass these classes for me.

Anyhow I am done just some ramblings that where floating through my head.. Have a wonderful New Years and be safe.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005


One date, two family members,and ten days later

My date was wonderful. On thursday I called B just to make sure plans were still good and to tell him good luck on his performance for that night. Well Friday at work I am so nervous. My mom and sister were flying in that evening and I was going to be spending at least three hours with this guy I have liked for months.

After work on Friday I rush home, do my hair, vacuum out my car, and run to the store, I still have about 15 minutes to kill before I need to be at B's house. Well I plan the computer for awhile. After playing on the computer I decided that I need to leave. I drive to his street and then there is a problem, I cant find his house because there are no addresses on the houses. I try to call him and he doesn't answer. I am thinking that he is avoiding me. My friend calls me and I explain the situation. He tells me to walk up to one of the houses and ask for him.. Well I guess I got lucky. There were 2 houses with porch lights on so I went to the first house. There was a piece of mail in the mail box so I look at it. It has his address. I am thinking this is great. So I knock and he opens the door in a flash.

We walk to the car and get in, well I have some music playing and I am so nervous that I dont know what to say, That never happens. Anyhow I ask him to tell me about himself because I dont know anything about him. We talk for about 20 min while we drive to the resturant. Well in the car he mentions that he doesn't date because of all the drama and games. I agree and then my foot goes into my mouth, I mention that If this doesn't work out that I am giving up on dating, Smooth I know. So for the next 5 minutes I try to talk my way out of that, in the end, I end up changing the subject hoping that he isn't really paying attention.

We arrive at the pizza place and it is pact, usually there are about five tables being used. We have a 20 minute wait. This isn't good because we were already behind I was trying to find his house. Well we decide to order the pizza and then wait to be seated. Well we are seated right next to Santa clause and the Grinch. It is nice.

I must say that B has amazing eye contact, and great manners he held every door for me. Anyhow we keep talking, we end up talking about our familys, what we are doing for christmas, the family drama, and religon.. I think things are going well. Anyhow B has a head ache and doesn't seem very happy. I offer to take him home but he wants to stick it out.

We go to the theater were we watch "Chronicles of Narnia". Well we meet up with my best friends. The movie is great but B doesn't seem intrested and I am so nervous because I am afraid that he isn't having a good time. I was a bit bummed. Well I take him home and offer to talk him to his door. It was a cold night and he says only if I want to be out there. I agree. So I give him a hug, and he hugs back, I also think he may have wanted to kiss me but I could have just been imagining things. Anyhow we agree to go out again. Problem is he will be gone for 10 days over christmas. That really sucks.

The next day we have a Christmas party at church so I go. We ends up arriving about 15 minutes after I do. Well I am in a circle talking with my sisters, and my 2 best friends when he walks up to me and we talk for a minute. I think we would have talked more but we were interupted.. That Sucked but the good thing, I think, is he talked to me.

Well we have a White Elephant exchange and he sits across from me. I caught him looking at me about 3 times when our eyes met he didn't look away either. Sigh

Well Now I still have 3 days left till he is in the same state and I cant wait. Not that I am desperate but I think something good could come of this.

Well hope you all had a merry christmas, I sure did. I got everything I wanted, My whole family. Oh yeah Things are going well with my mom and sister. I still think Dixie(my mom) is trying to walk on egg shells but other then that things are going well. I love Sheena, she is very sweet and quite funny.

Anyhow Have aHappy new year and may you get all you want out of it.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Now or Never

Ok, two posts ago I told a lovely little story about a guy that I was lusting after, well let me update.
The week after the hay ride I went to Fhe, I must admit I only went for this certain guy, Anyhow we were decorating Gingerbread houses and as far as I knew things were going well. Then he gets a phone call and decides to leave FHE and why you ask, well because of a girl or as he said a Lady. Anyhow so I am a bit bummed because I though that was my last opportunity. Well This past weekend I sang with the institute choir in our Christmas show, little did I know that he would be performing with the folk dancers.

Thursday night is dress rehearsal and I am not having a great night. I have a cold I am tired, I felt fat, I hated my outfit, and was just not having a good time. Well I walk off the stage and it is pitch dark and I hear a guy say HI Reah, I have to admit I was shocked. I thought it was my friend Chris but as my eyes adjust a bit more I realize it isn't him. I try to see who it is but then I just end up asking who it is. He tells me that is it B and I am like oh hi. I walk away, I blow it I cant believe I couldn't talk to him. The whole time I am thinking " He knows my name, He knows my name." Then I become suspicious and think that someone must have told him that I was interested in him because he has never said my name before.

Well Friday I decided that I am going to make up for being an idiot. Have you ever planned something out in your mind but when you go to do it you fail miserably? Well that is what happened. I wanted to wish him good luck before the show but I couldn't find him. During the show he was so busy running to change I couldn't talk to him then. So I have to wait until after the performance. I tell him what a great job he has done and then I cant say anything else so I walk away. Well then we have a cast party. I was all about talking to him, hoping that we could spend the rest of the weekend together. Well there never happened to be an opportunity so Again it is blown. Saturday comes and I tell him good luck again. This time he ignores me.. I have screwed up royally.

I then make myself a promise that At church I will talk to him and ask him out. Sunday morning comes and he isn't at church.. I have to take drastic measures. After church I get his number and decide right then that I will be calling him. At 4 pm I pick up the phone and call, It rings and rings. The whole time I am hoping that he wont answer, and he doesn't. I am disappointed.

I leave a message and it sounds horrible, one because I am sick and can barely talk and the second because I was so nervous. Well nine comes and goes and he still hasn't called me back.. He must be sick or I called the wrong number. I call a girl, his best friend, and ask her if I have called the right number. She asks me to hold on and then I hear her asking a guy if he had his phone, he says he does, I thought it was her fiance.. Oh no it is B.. She then repetitively tells me to call him. I explain that I have left a message and he will call me when he is ready. She wont let up and I can hear him in the back ground asking who it is.

I have to call him now. So I call, the phone rings and rings, I am preparing to leave a message and then he answers. Well after that I make a fool of myself and then I ask him out. He agrees. Now I am wishing that I hadn't. What if he was just being nice? What if he wasn't interested he was just being friendly.. All these questions are going around in my head and I cant make them stop.. I am trying not to think about it much but I don't want to fail.. Anyhow My fate with him will be decided Friday.. I will let you know how things go..

Oh yeah my mom, that I haven't seen in 19 yrs, and my sister are flying out this weekend.. I am nervous and scared.. Pray for me.

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