Thursday, October 13, 2005

 

A life of celibacy

It looks like I will forever be celibate. I don't understand what is wrong with me. So I go on a date, have a really good time. The guy says he likes me a lot and that he had a lot of fun. Then he tells me that he isn't ready for a serious relationship and that he has a date for next weekend. I back off and say its all in your boat. I write him and tell him to have a great week, he writes back and says he is dating the new girl. It always happens to me. I go out with a guy I think they are interested, things look good and then "Bam" they are in a relationship with in days of myself. I think I push them into a relationship so they can avoid me.

What am I doing wrong, I have tried being aggressive, submissive, flirty, and every other type a girl I can be and yet nothing works for me. It is a no win situation. If I wait for a guy to pursue me then I will never get a date. I have tried the internet thing, that is where I met "Gregg". And still here I am single and alone. Will this torture never end?

I want to be married with 5 kids. I want to wake up every morning and go to bed everynight with some man by myside and yet it seems that this is just an evil trick.. Here, your so close to your goal but NO this is not what was suppose to happen. So once again my heart breaks just a bit more.

I cried when I read his email. I am not sure why but tears streaming down my face, Why you ask? Because all I could think, Is it was my fault, I did something stupid, there must be something wrong with me.

Never again will I kiss a guy who isn't attached to my hip. Never again will I think that this is perfect until I know that it is. My heart is under lock and key until some guy will be willing to work hard to find the key that fits..

ok Enough feeling sorry for myself, I must pull myself together and work.. Later

Comments:
Hey Reah, I am sorry you feel this way. I wish i could say something that could make you feel better but I really don’t know that I can because I haven’t had as many experiences with guys. Even though I may be a minor I have shared many of the feelings you have described. I have never had a guy that truly cared about me, I can't even say that about my dad. Honestly, I don’t see how any guy could just be a dumb ASS and look past you. You have so many amazing qualities about you! I am not just saying this because you are my sister. If I had met you as a total stranger I would have been (just as I am now ) Captivated by your beauty inward and outward. Even though you are 25 and I am 16 I too have had the same feelings and questions run through my mind. I have constantly wondered the same thing about myself. What’s wrong with me? Why do guys blow me off after they have said they would stick around? I don’t think I will ever understand. But I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me, just as there is nothing wrong with you. I can’t lie to you and say I know that God has a man out there for you although I do think he does. Don’t let these terrible lies and doubts bring you down. You are an amazing person. Just have patients. I hope none of what I have said has offended you or made you dislike me but I CARE about YOU. Ill pray for you. I hope you know how much I love you.

Love, Sheena Marie
 
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