Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Upside down

So I have decided to compeletely redo my life. I want to find out who I am and where I really belong. I have screwed up two relationships in one week and I am going for a third. NOT really my best week for relationships.

I am afraid to be alone and yet afraid to be with someone. I dont want to get lost in the relationship and then realize there wasn't a relationship to start with. I am sure we have all felt that way. My ex-friend that I havent talked to in 5 months started texting me as of Saturday. In three days we picked up right were we left off and that isn't a good thing. We ended on a bad note and we pick up there again.

I dont understand boys, maybe that is my problem. I am trying to figure out who I am by dealing with all these boy emotions. I hate it. Why cant I find one person who is willing to except the whole package. One guy wants the physical side but has a problem with my independence, another likes my personality and everything about except that I am a bit chubby. I cant satify them all. I am just trying to work on satisfying myself and learning to except me. If I have any spare time then I will let, those who are intrested share a bit of it.

For now I am concentrating on school, and work, and working out. I dont want to hang out with anyone. My plans for the weekend are simple. Friday I sand my bathroom and prime it. Saturday I go to the gym, paint the bathroom, and clean the house, and work on the yard. Try to finish the yard work that I started two months ago.

If I have a chance I may pick up the phone and call a "friend" and watch a movie. If not then I will chill by myself.

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