Friday, September 30, 2005
Boys to Men
So Gregg called me last night, we ended up talking for two hours about basically nothing. I love those types of conversations. With Josh I had a hard time carrying on a conversation. He would tell me to call him and then he wouldnt say anything. It really bothered me. Anyhow I am trying to get my basement finished. My tenant is moving in tomorrow and I havent finished painting her bathroom. I will be doing that all night tonight. I guess that is ok it gives me an excuse to order pizza.. Well I guess I am just rambling now so I will talk to you later.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I am afraid to be alone and yet afraid to be with someone. I dont want to get lost in the relationship and then realize there wasn't a relationship to start with. I am sure we have all felt that way. My ex-friend that I havent talked to in 5 months started texting me as of Saturday. In three days we picked up right were we left off and that isn't a good thing. We ended on a bad note and we pick up there again.
I dont understand boys, maybe that is my problem. I am trying to figure out who I am by dealing with all these boy emotions. I hate it. Why cant I find one person who is willing to except the whole package. One guy wants the physical side but has a problem with my independence, another likes my personality and everything about except that I am a bit chubby. I cant satify them all. I am just trying to work on satisfying myself and learning to except me. If I have any spare time then I will let, those who are intrested share a bit of it.
For now I am concentrating on school, and work, and working out. I dont want to hang out with anyone. My plans for the weekend are simple. Friday I sand my bathroom and prime it. Saturday I go to the gym, paint the bathroom, and clean the house, and work on the yard. Try to finish the yard work that I started two months ago.
If I have a chance I may pick up the phone and call a "friend" and watch a movie. If not then I will chill by myself.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
I Called Justin on Saturday and we talked for a few minutes. He said that we could be friends and that we could try to work things out. Yet I have this feeling that because I didn't put out our chance at a realtionship is over. I dont get guys. They tell you they wont hurt you and that they want to work things out, they want to be your friend. But when you make the effort they cant recepricate. I tried to call him a few times and all I got was the answering machine.
Justin lives an hour away from me he says he doesnt have the money to drive that far. We agree to drive part way each. I dont understand because he wont return my calls or for that matter answer them. WE had a connection. I had butterflies and he said the same but now its gone and in place of the butterflies is this empty whole. I hate men.. If I was so determined to get married then I would just quite them and live my life as an old maid.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Lonely and confused
Now here I am at work wishing you would call me. I fill like a part of me is missing already. We had so much to look forward to but you couldn't control your hormones, or so you say. Now I am back to being lonely, except I also miss your arms around me. It hurts, I hurt and yet I cant cry.